INTERVIEW #14: FEATURING TAYRIN TAPIA

There are some people who make you braver. Leaders do that, their abilities aren’t really about what they do- it’s what they inspire others to do. That’s the most important part, and Ms. Tayrin Tapia is one such Boriqua leader.

The first leaders of Borinquen (known as Puerto Rico) were called Caciques or Cacica if female leaders.  In the time of the Taino (A direct translation of the word “Taíno” signified “men of the good and noble”), Chiefs were chosen from the Nitaínos and generally obtained their power from the maternal line. Our maternal ancestors, literally our ancient mothers, were revered. Yet, when the Spaniards came, Tainos became victims to sexual violence, rape, family separation, slavery, and developed sickness and diseases, introduced by the Europeans, killing our Indigenous people, making them extinct, according to many.

Survivors of the genocide? Erased on paper…  The 1787 census in Puerto Rico lists 2,300 pure “Indians” in the population, but on the next census, in 1802, not a single “Indian” is listed”, as historians and advocates point out. 

Meet Tayrin Tapia:  Tayrin’s ancestors were Tainos, and they survived! They went on to have a descendant that would speak truth to power, speak to the legacy of sexual violence in our community. A mother, a businesswoman, an organizer, and an advocate. Most importantly, the first Puerto Rican woman I have ever met in my entire life that addressed an audience, talking about her personal life experience of sexual assault and exploitation.

Sin venguenza (without shame), it’s often used as a negative term in our dialect, but here it’s the appropriate term in a fairway. Tayrin breaks barriers. She speaks about past roadblocks where our male-dominated culture lies in front of us. She speaks without shame for herself and others who remain quiet. She speaks with the strength that comes from being unafraid; she changes the world for many.

I know, she changed my life, in one of the profound ways, simply by being unafraid. She started the first and to my knowledge, only organization created by a survivor of sexual assault this Latino community has ever experienced. She named it Dear Tayrin, putting her name on it, literally.

For that reason, she inspired me to advocate on behalf of human trafficking survivors. Right before I stand up every time to speak about human trafficking to community groups or talk about it in a meeting setting, Tayrin stands up with me in mind, and this is every time.

THE INTERVIEW

Let her speak for herself. Read the following interview, and learn about a woman who speaks truth to power:

What values were taught in your home?  I was taught that faith, family, and community are at the top of our values list.  I was taught that being an independent woman is okay and that it means you have strength. 

.  I was taught that being independent doesn’t mean you don’t need a partner but that instead, it means you can stand on your own two feet, but if a special person comes into your life to help you stand, achieve goals and dreams, well then that is a bonus.  

Where were you born?  I was born in Santurce, Puerto Rico, moved to the Bronx, NY, at the age of 5, and then moved to Buffalo, NY at the age of 13.  Even though I have moved out of Buffalo several times since then, I call Buffalo home.  

What motivated you to become an advocate? My own story as a survivor of child sexual abuse; it motivated me to become an advocate for other victims of sexual abuse, now survivors.  I wanted to be a voice for those who felt voiceless.  I am also an advocate in bringing awareness to HIV/AIDS.  I became passionate to be an advocate in this field due to my work at Evergreen Health Services.  It really helped me open my eyes to the stigma surrounding this tabooed subject and I wanted to also be a means of support.  I am also an advocate for our youth, focused on youth development and promoting positive mindsets. 

What about your child’s experience, did that make you want to speak up?  During seventh grade, I had a conversation with a friend who had experienced sexual abuse.  When I left school that day, I told my then-stepmom about it and eventually said “hey, me too.”  To my surprise, she had no clue which led me to believe, either my dad never told her because he didn’t want to, or he didn’t tell her because he didn’t know.  That night I told my dad for the first time what had happened to me at the age of 5.  It is when I first truly spoke my ugly truth.  

Did you get any counseling after your parents found out?  No.  I don’t think my parents knew how to handle the situation at the time.  Especially since it had been years before they found out everything that had transpired.  I think they saw this bright kid, always full of energy, always smiling, with good grades, and didn’t think it affected me.  However, internally it had; counseling could’ve possibly been a great way to release any internal struggles I was dealing with at the time.  I don’t blame my parents in any way and do not think they were bad parents.  They did the best they could.  

If you could speak to your younger self today, what would you say? 

I would tell my 5-year-old self, it’s okay your older self will protect you.  I would tell my 7th-grade self, that I am proud of her for speaking up and telling her the truth and that she may have to be her own hero.  And I would tell my 16-year-old self, that with trauma there comes healing and it’s coming.  

When did you start working?  I started working at the age of 11, babysitting for my own babysitter.  Then at 12, I got my first job as a grocery bagger at Mets Supermarket in Bronx NY on Saturdays, getting paid whatever the customers paid in tips.  I would make about $15 for a 5-hour shift.  I got that job just by showing up on a Saturday (after seeing other kids do it) and said I’m here and ready to bag.  Lol.  At 13, I moved to Buffalo, and at 14, I got my first job delivering newspapers door to door for the Buffalo News.  I found out about this job through a Buffalo News recruiter who came to the school and talked about youth opportunities and how to apply.  I remember as a kid, whenever my mom would go to the bank, I would take a lot of the deposit and withdrawal slips.  Eventually, I had enough to make my own little “cash” box at home.  I would pretend I was a cashier or bank teller and have conversations with imaginary customers regarding their transactions. Guess I was always meant to be in business. lol 

What advice would you give to other Latinas who want their voice to be heard in their community? 

Always follow your heart, always question anything that doesn’t seem right or doesn’t make sense, and don’t be afraid of being the person who rebels to go against the grain.  We need people like you to pave the way.  

When was the moment you were inspired to take control of your future?  I guess this question can apply to both my personal and professional life.  When it comes to my personal life, I feel as though I finally took full control when I told the story of child sexual abuse to my father. That was the moment I took control.  It became the turning point when I decided that my voice mattered.  It’s when I realized that even though my ugly truth would be painful to hear, it was one that needed to be told for the healing to begin.  

When it comes to my professional career, I have always been a “Jane of all trades.”  I have succeeded in the healthcare, finance, and not-for-profit industry.  In every single industry, I moved up to a management position.  However, it wasn’t until the end of my 20s that the game changed.  In May of 2012, I founded my own not-for-profit called Dear Tayrin, with the mission of raising awareness and education about sexual abuse, helping to empower victims.  

It was something that came from within me, the need to help at least one person.  And from there I hosted the first awareness event; and then the first annual fundraiser, and from there it progressed to creating other events throughout the year that assisted in bringing healing for those struggling to deal with the aftermath.  I continue to work in the finance business as a Director of Operations, but my passion lies in helping my community and being a voice for those who feel voiceless, for those who didn’t make it.  

What is your theory on human potential?  My theory is that everyone has the potential to be their best self.  However, everyone has their own unique idea or mindset of what it means to be at their best.  Therefore, one cannot say you are not doing your best because maybe that person truly feels that they are.  We all have our own paths, our own blueprint, and our own journey to reach our highest potential.  Some of us show it through gifts and talents, whereas others may just show it by being engaged parents.  

As for me, I believe I still have ways to go to reach my own “best” potential but I’m also the type of person that strives daily to reach new goals both personally and professionally.  But it’s important for others to know that if you’re not that type of person, that’s okay too.  

What was your experience like as a student?  I started school in the Bronx, NY on 183rd Avenue, at the age of 6, and knew no English.  I had just moved to New York City with my mom from Puerto Rico. I learned English in school and by talking to my cousins at home.  Children soak up much at that age and I was eager, not only to learn but to understand what everyone else was saying.

From there, we moved to a better part of the Bronx in Bedford Park.  My experience in elementary school was a good one.  I had teachers that were on the committee to teach.  The school itself was very diverse and inclusive.  During 7th grade, I went to live with my father in Puerto Rico for half the year and that was a challenge.  I no longer knew Spanish like before and going back to an all-Spanish school was difficult, but I was up for it.  I moved back to New York City six months later but then in 9th grade, we moved back to PR for a full year.  I once again faced language barrier issues but the teachers were accommodating and helpful.  I have also always been resourceful, so when I felt as though I wasn’t being helped, I found it.  High school was back in NY, a proud graduate of Lafayette High School.  The biggest hurdle in HS was navigating life as a teenager.  Went to college for one year because I chose work before school. However, choosing work before school allowed me to get hands-on experience.  It wasn’t until 2019 that I decided to go back to school full-time to earn my Associate degree first.  Sure enough, after spring, summer, fall, and spring semesters again, back-to-back, I graduated with my Associate of Science degree in Business, Economics, and Management.  The online experience was a self-motivation challenge, but well worth it.  

What advice could you give other single moms or single-parent households on navigating motherhood/parenthood while still aspiring to make dreams your reality? Well, first, it’s not easy and no one EVER said it is going to be easy.  Once you have accepted that, it’s just a bit easier to manage things.  Organization, time management, and making sure you are taking time for yourself, and your dreams are vital.  I think as mothers or parents, we will put ourselves last and make LOTS of sacrifices to make sure our kids have what they need and want.  Therefore, our dreams, needs, and wants go to the back burner; but having an unhappy mom or dad is not good for the home.  It’s important for everyone that the mom/dad also have their own individual time and identity.  It’s important that they too are in a happy place.  When your kids see you reaching for goals or they see your work ethic in the pursuit of your dreams, it motivates and inspires them to put their best foot forward as well.   They will mirror you in many ways and who doesn’t want their kids to mirror the best of them? Right?

So, making sure they see you taking time for yourself is important, if not the most important part, and communicating with your kids is a must.